Life is full of adventures, some are better than others. Imagine packing your entire life up to move somewhere that life is full of unknowns in just a little under 2 weeks. Crazy right? Where are you going to live? What are you going to do for a job? How are you going to get a job? How are you going to see your family again? The list of questions can go on and on for hours. I am an introvert that overthinks, hates unknowns, has anxiety and does not adapt well to change or like to change. Let me back up and start with how this came about. Near the end of May 2016, I just graduated from college with my Masters Degree in Social work. I took my husband and I on a road trip to celebrate all of the hard work I had just completed. An opportunity presented itself and we finally went to meet my husbands sister and her family after 4 years of being together. She lived in Raleigh, North Carolina and we were passing near by to head to Virginia Beach. We met her and I thought she and her family were so nice. The rest of the trip we talked about what it would be like to move to another state. To be honest, I had always thought about moving away from Kansas but never truly gave it any thought.
Well fast forward to a week after our vacation, my husband and his sister had thought up a wonderful plan. My husband and I talked about how wonderful it truly was. That is when we decided it would be best for our little family to move to Raleigh, North Carolina in a little under 2 weeks. The reality of moving sank in and depression hit hard. I told my mother (who is practically my best friend) and we both cried together. I told my work and I continued working for two weeks. I turned down my first actual social work interview to move to an unknown town. What would become of my life?
Fast forward to moving day, my husband and I had everything packed up. We had two cars packed full, as we had a moving company move our stuff in a moving van. We took broke the trip up over a few days. We stayed just outside of Tennessee one night, at his parents the other and then made it to stay with his sister the 3rd night. We stayed with his sister for about a week until she moved out of her house. My depression had gone away because I was becoming comfortable around them and I had stuff to keep my mind off of everything. I had wrecked my car driving off of a drop off (short people problems), did not have a job and was just living to live. Although once we moved out and my husband went to work, I was all alone in a hotel and still without a job on week two. The first day in the hotel all I could do was cry and not eat, the days after that had continued to look about the same. This life changing event was not looking good for me.
I told you I was going to be honest and here is the most honest thing I could ever say, I truly thought about suicide because my depression had gone to rock bottom. I did not want to be alive anymore, I did not want to think and I did not want to breathe. I felt that I had ultimately become low life because I could not get a job, I had failed my test to get my license to practice social work and among other things. I know that life could be worse but for me at that time life was at rock bottom. My life seemed to be at an all time low, why would I want to stay alive? I am someone who thrives being outside, I did not even want to go to the pool. Something was terribly wrong if I would not even go outside. My husband did his best to console me, but in the end I knew or felt all he really wanted me to do was get a job or get over it. That was my conclusion, not him telling me this.
I believe ultimately my dog was the one who truly saved me from taking my own life. A dog never judges you, provides a listening ear even though they do not understand and will love on you when you are upset. My mother, my husband and a few others helped me as well. I never truly ever told anyone I was thinking about suicide (as I have never thought about it before that time). Something had to change and I had to be that change. I had to start forcing myself to do things and stop being the way I was. When you have depression that something that is easier said than done.
We finally had moved into an apartment and I slowly started getting better. Life had handed me a few more cards that made life just a bit more brighter but a bit more darker. After searching and applying to various jobs and not getting any call backs I decided to join a website. Right after I joined that website I got not one, not two but three different job offers without me even applying for them. I finally felt that my life was headed in a positive direction. I went on my very first interview and I immediately had a alternate feeling about the way my life had changed so fast. I was hired for the job and immediately felt relief. Although it was not the job I was wishing for, it was truly the break I needed. I was completely nervous for my first day but once I got into the hang of my new job I knew it was the perfect fit for me. The place I work at has helped me grow in numerous ways. My depression finally went away but comes back from time to time. We have taken several trips to explore our new home state and its surroundings. We have grown as husband and wife, for that I am thankful. I know I still have room to grow as a person but this move has definitely helped me in more ways than one.
All together, moves are not easy on anyone. Some more than others. There will always be a light at the end of the tunnel, as life will always be full of ups and downs. Life is not always meant to be easy, but if you hang in there you will see life will get better. In life sometimes we think we are alone in going through something. The truth is there is always someone there or even someone who has gone through what we have been through. I am thankful each and every day for this change because I have grown as a person, as a wife, as a dog mother and as a friend. Moving has helped me in more ways than one, even when it has hurt me in a few ways. I have learned so many different lessons. Even though I miss my family and friends in Kansas, I know that this move was good for me. I was losing touch with myself and what was important to me before we moved here. This gave me the break, clarity and the room to breathe that I needed. Life will always throw you curve balls but you have to learn to grow and curve with them.
Stay tuned next week to learn about my tips for dealing with home sickness. I will also be sharing my first road trip series on how I went to 6 states in one week. I will lay out my plans and how I did it. See you soon!
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