Controlling You to Misconceptions

While looking for someone else to share there story, Nikita reached out to me with this story. I was amazed by her courage and strength to share such a personal story. She has already published this story but gave me permission to reuse part of the story. The website is given below to read the whole story. There are always people out there that understand your story, even if they do not share theirs with you. Anxiety has such stigma behind it, many people do not like to share with others their daily struggle.I am what most people would refer to as a bubbly and outgoing person, but that’s not who I really am. The truth is, I’m a fake it till you make it type girl, the kind that exhausts herself to keep up this facade of being totally together and confident, and then hibernates in my room all night to refill my cup for the next day of oozing confidence. It’s not that I’m not a happy, self-assured person, I am these things, but I’ve learned to be them, and I continually have to work at this. I’ve learned to change my thought patterns in years of cognitive behavioural therapy after debilitating anxiety and depression that had me house-bound for months and scared to do anything on my own. The thought of traveling scared me and I never considered traveling alone, always panicking and cancelling my plans last minute if things weren’t perfectly planned out and predictable. However, I learned that life goes on without me, and no one else but me suffers if I choose to be scared forever. So in June of 2017 I sold most of my belongings and packed my life into a suitcase to move to Australia and work in short term rural and remote contracts, relocating every 3-6 months as new contracts become available.

The common misconception around mental illness is that when you are ‘cured’, you’re brand new again, as if the thought patterns are completely eradicated. The only difference between me and someone in the depths of depression and anxiety, like I was years ago, is that I have learned to control my thoughts. I still have the same tendencies to get depressed and anxious, but I’ve learned cognitive behavioural techniques to control them, so that they don’t control me. Traveling alone scares me every single day, and in any one day I may feel hundreds of emotions around it. Loneliness, freedom, elation, fear, but every day I also take myself by surprise. I look back on where I was a few years ago, and where I am today, and each day as I move forward and become more independent and brave, I am astounded at how I push through the fear. A few years ago I would have to give myself a 40 minute pep-talk in the mirror to go the supermarket on my own and now I am traveling solo. Not a moment goes by where I’m not scared, but that fear is watered down by joy. I push through and keep on doing what I’m doing because I want a life worth remembering, not one clouded by doubt, fear and regret. What kind of life do you want?
Author Biography:
My name is Nikita, I’m a Midwife from New Zealand and I’m at the beginning of a huge adventure. A few months ago I sold most of my belongings and moved to Australia to do short term rural agency contracts and travel the world. My passion is global midwifery and all income from my blog goes towards volunteering in developing countries and improving child birth outcomes internationally. Follow my solo journey working as a Midwife in rural Australia and traveling and volunteering globally, as I write about the agency lifestyle, improving childbirth internationally and the challenges of traveling solo. Check me out on one of the websites below.
Blog Site:

While Nikita shared her story, I hope that you continue to see that others struggle with anxiety. I encourage you to read the rest of her story or check out her social media profiles below. I have one more epic story to share with you all. That story will be posted on Friday.

See you soon!



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  1. So proud of you Nikita, you are an exceptional woman and I know that more than others, I am so fortunate to be your Nana. 💜💜💜 Love you sweetheart

    1. She is an amazing human being! So happy to have her write for me.

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